You’ve all heard the sayings, idioms, homilies of the English language. If you get something out of these observations the monkey is on your back. 

Out of sight, out of mind:  This applies to everyone who plays professional sports. They are out of sight and the fans are out of their minds.  

Too poor to paint and too proud to whitewash:  In the old days, like way back in the 1950’s, people who were white trash red necks used to mix lime with water to paint their houses because they were saving their real paint money for a rainy day.  When it did rain, the drought was broken, the crops laid by, the white wash gone, and they found a saloon then painted the town red.

She’s just as cute as she can be:  This applies to the girl who will never be Miss America but she has a radiant personality. All the boys love her. She can and will dance the mambo, salsa, limbo and frug. But she never gets any cuter no matter what, just more popular. Thus she’s as cute as she can be. Makes your liver quiver. That’s the way the cookie crumbles. 

Bless his heart:  This applies to a guy who is as dumb as a box of rocks. You want to kick him where the sun don’t shine but instead you bless him in a way that let’s everybody but him know that he’s one chunk shy of a cord. If you really wanted to get his goat you’d bless his gall bladder.

Too old to cut the mustard: Originally new wine was called “Must” and was mixed with a paste to create mustard. Then the old guys sat around waiting to sample the new wine and got plastered and younger workers had to cut the mustard with water.

Keeping up with the Joneses: Why this has become so famous is a mystery to me. I’d much rather keep up with Bezos, Gates and my Debit card.

Bad to the bone: If you start ranking bad “from the outside in” you can see that this leaves little room for doubt that bone marrow is the only hope for redemption of some of your elected officials. Pray for them then throw caution to the winds and trust your gut.

She’s a real good dancer: This is usually reserved for a girl who is as ugly as a mud fence but has some girl friends that are pushing the only good quality they can find in her. Besides, it frees them up to talk about her behind her back.

She’s as good as gold: The kicker to this is the follow up, “but then she met this hunk and went off the gold standard.”

I never met a man I didn’t like: Perhaps the most famous saying of our time, made famous in theory by Will Rogers and in practice by Elizabeth Taylor. 

Doc Blakely is a humorist and motivational speaker who resides in Wharton. For more information, visit www.docblakely.com.

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