'Absolutely' irritate an intellectual snob, 'with all due respect'
'DOC' BLAKELY POKIN' FUN

I don't often read the Harvard research articles but occasionally something in the Hasty Pudding Review "catches my eye," a phrase which "in and of itself" might have made other intellectuals take note. As if they didn't have enough to worry about with the world economic woes, the learned professors studied things people say that irritate others. You should study these and try to use them all in a conversation the next time you encounter that person you'd really like to irk. The top ten most irritating phrases are:

1. At the end of the day 2. Fairly unique 3. I personally 4. At this moment in time 5. With all due respect 6. Absolutely 7. It's a nightmare 8. Shouldn't of

9. 24/7 10. It's not rocket science

Harvard didn't give any instructions on what to do with this list. Like most of the Ivy League thinkers, they just throw it out there and expect the world to pay them well for sitting around in circles, growing beards, wearing gowns and smoking pipes - and the men are even worse.

Since I'm the practi- cal type, let me put this together for you. Next time you're down at the grocery store and see that intellectual snob you can't stand, just walk up and in a very low voice say "With all due respect (insert name) I personally would not dream of telling you this, but it's a nightmare that has come to my attention and has to be shared at this moment in time. With your fairly unique intellect you will grasp the significance of the gossip that is going around about you 24/7. You should absolutely not take it personally… perhaps I shouldn't of even mentioned it, in fact, on second thought, forget we even had this conversation. At the end of the day what difference does it make?"

Whether this person says anything or not, just wear a wry little smile, raise one eyebrow and while walking away say over your shoulder, "It's not rocket science."

Then stroll on down to the Lima Bean section and wait for the next victim.

Doc Blakely is a humorist and motivational speaker who resides in Wharton.