Voting as 'Independent and currently undecided'
Pokin' Fun
'Doc' Blakely

There is an old saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." Whoever wrote that did so before Hillary and Barak, not to mention the last three governors of New York. You'd think that people who are in the limelight would not stoop to the petty, gossip spreading tactics of Rosie O'Donnell, Donald Trump and your ex-wife. But they do. I've even seen some disgraceful e-mails implying an immoral relationship between my Senator and Spongebob Squarepants. The Senator denies the relationship, says it didn't happen and will never happen again. Spongebob declined comment, just soaked up the publicity.

There is another saying, a Chinese proverb I'm told, "It is better to ask a question and remain a fool for five minutes than not to ask and remain a fool forever." Somehow this reminds me of salaries of politicians. I'm sure everyone who runs for office asks at some point, "What does the job pay?" Whatever it is I'm sure a few of them have also wondered, "Is that plus tips?"

It is a precarious existence, not knowing when or where the next embarrassing question might be asked and how it might best be blamed on the opposing party. One always wonders when the next shoe will drop, or in some cases, trousers. So, a candidate for District Judge in rural Mississippi decided to ask his constituents their party affiliation and how they would likely vote in the next election. If any scandals were in the rumor mill surely they would come out in frank conversation and the poll could be used in the election campaign. The Judge and his assistant, a summer intern from Harvard studying political infidelity, knocked on doors, introduced themselves and asked how the occupant might vote in the coming election. The first few victims sheepishly admitted that they didn't even know who the Judge was but they'd be mighty proud to vote for him. "Mark them positive," the Judge says to his scribe.

The next fellow knew him and thought he hadn't done anything but then maybe nothing was what needed to be done. "Mark him affirmative," he says proudly.

Then at one miserable, poverty stricken farm house a barefoot farmer in overalls pushed open the screen door, shouted out the Judge's name, title and district number, something he'd never forget, gave him a tongue lashing for sending his son to jail, accused him of increasing the tax on chewing tobacco, awarding child support to three women he never married anyway and yelled "sic'em" to a Pit Bull tied to a Chinaberry tree with an inner tube link between the rope and tree.

They beat a hasty retreat to the car as that dog stretched closer with each lunge. Leaving in a cloud of dust the assistant commented, "You never asked how he would vote." The Judge wisely replied, "For statistical purposes mark him down as an Independent and currently undecided."

Doc Blakely is a humorist and motivational speaker who resides in Wharton.