Hannah Montana, handful of funnels and sausage on a stick part of livestock show
Pokin' Fun 'Doc' Blakely

Now is the time for Livestock Shows all over the country and famous country musicians are in great demand, stars like Miley Cirus, who is so popular she has two more names (Hannah Montana), Snoop Doggy Dog, Hootie and the Blowfish, great country stars like that.

They sing lyrics that nobody can tell if they forget the words because it all sounds like "Uhhh, huhhh, be bop shebam, oh my golly, gonna getcha dolly, nevah letcha folly, looky me, cancha see, immanutjob, eeeeeeeeeeowwwww."

Of course there are the instrumental breaks from the guitarists who run every sound through tweeters, woofers, decibel enhancers and radioactive waste that can separate a coed from her Coors Light at 300 yards.

I've seen many of them "slain in the spirit" after hearing a solo by a guy who is so good that the tune he is playing cannot be whistled. But it sure makes'em pucker.

The folks who come to the Livestock Show and Rodeo put on cowboy boots, either too big or too tight and waddle around eating sausage on a stick that cost as much as the hog farmer's profit. They buy the kids cotton candy, which my Daddy always described the sensation of consuming as "like running against the wind with a funnel in your mouth." That may have been a ruse to keep us from asking for money for it.

My Dad always had a few funnels handy just in case we resorted to begging. "Oh, OK" he'd say, "here's a funnel, now run along."

I saw a big fellow at the rodeo recently, about a 300 pounder I'd guess, who was going through

the concession area.

His wife admonished him, "Now, remember your diet, honey." He said, "Don't worry, I'm not like those crack heads who have no will power." So he ordered a small salad, dressing on the side, a rack of ribs, two double meat whoppers and a diet coke. There was enough grease left in the paper plates and napkins to run a Honda Civic to the Chili Cook Off.

And people can't get enough of the cowboy culture it seems. That's why they call it at the Livestock Show and Rodeo. Then ask them what they were impressed with, was it the advancements in genetics, the embryo transfer breakthroughs, cloning, ranching in outer space, bull riding, bull dogging, bareback and saddle bronc riding, calf roping, chuck wagon races?

They'll say something like, "Oh it was all so wonderful we stayed in the Carnival midway until the last second, bought some $200 scalper tickets at the last minute and saw Hannah Montana's full show.

"She was so close we could almost make out her face. We left before the bull riding.

"But boy, those prices! No wonder groceries are so high."

Doc Blakely is a humorist and motivational speaker who resides in Wharton.