Cohabitation not the route for marital bliss
A heritage and a hope Peter Johnston

Today I will begin a series looking at fruit.

No, not the type we eat, but the type by which we may legitimately evaluate people and practices.

At least one wise man has offered that criteria for judging, stating, "By their fruits shall you know them."

The topic today is cohabitation before marriage.

Is cohabitation before marriage a wise choice? Proponents may look at divorce statistics and accurately cite that half of marriages today end in divorce. Since that is so, they might add, wouldn't it be better to test the waters by living together before making such a "final" choice that might not end up being so "final."

Sounds logical. But the fruit does not bear out the theory. About a week ago I received an e-mail alerting me to a conference on this topic. Unfortunately it was not in Wharton County or any adjoining county. It wasn't even in Texas. It was in Washington D.C. so I did not go.

But it piqued my curiosity to do a little research. The speakers, Mike and Harriet McManus, have written a book, Living Together: Myths, Risks & Answers. Mike is a former correspondent for Time Magazine and a syndicated newspaper columnist since 1981. While I have not had the opportunity to read their book, a search of their website and links came up with these facts regarding cohabitation:

• Today more than 5 million couples cohabit outside of marriage.

• Ten times as many couples cohabit today as in 1970.

• The average length of time to cohabit is 1.3 years.

• "Recent figures show that almost two-thirds of young adult men and women chose to cohabit first rather than marry directly" according to Dr Linda Waite of the University of Chicago.

• Research shows that 43 percent of all women have cohabited

Thus, the McManuses conclude, "Obviously, many women believe that living together is a step toward marriage."

But, they continue, "They are sadly mistaken. This is one role they cannot audition for."

Further citing statistics they believe "trial marriages" should be relabeled "trial divorces" for the following reasons:

• "Most cohabiting couples break up before marriage or afterwards. At least 40 percent of couples living together do not

marry."

• A University of Wisconsin National Survey of Families and Households found that "Marriages that are preceded by living together have 50 percent higher disruption (divorce or separation) rates than marriage without premarital cohabitation."

While the rate of 50 percent of regular marriages ending in divorce is appalling, for couples who have cohabited before marriage 75 percent end in divorce. The McManuses add, "Thus, out of 100 cohabiting couples, 40 break up before the wedding, but of the 60 who do marry, 45 will divorce within 10 years. That leaves only 15 intact couples after a decade. Few who live together seem to know the odds of failure."

While space precludes much further discussion I will point readers to light at the end of the tunnel. The McManuses have started an organization called Marriage Savers heralded as a "proven way to increase the success of marriage, reduce divorce rates, and provide a better environment for children to thrive."

The first step they encourage is to establish a Community Marriage Policy. They state that "more than 200 cities and towns in 43 states have created Community Marriage Policies and divorce rates have fallen an average of 17.5 percent and cohabitation by a third."

Additional information regarding the CMP, about establishing Marriage Saver Congregations and enrichening existing marriages or restoring troubled ones can be found at their website, www.marriagesavers.org

If you have comments on this topic feel free to contact me at peter.johnston@sbcglobal.net

Peter Johnston, an East Bernard resident, earned a history degree from Cornell University and is a former high school history teacher.