Pregnant guinea pigs

My friend W.T. is full of sayings. One catchy example is, "May those who say they don't want any have long memories of not getting none." It's one of those colloquial phrases that stick in your mind like peanut butter to your epiglottis.

Every year about Christmas time I think about some of the gifts of language that have been left behind by those who have passed my way. Some are still here and some are here only in spirit. And some left a gift in my mind without my being able to recall who sent the present. For instance, "You can't no more do what you ain't prepared for any more than you can come back from where you ain't been." That's clever, crafty, motivational, funny, inspirational and crudely intelligent.

Every year at Christmas time I hear kids and adults as well talk about their Christmas wish. Make that wishes in today's society. My father used to say, "Wish in one hand and spit in the other and see which gets fullest quickest." I've heard many a man say to my father, who was always impatient, "Rome wasn't built in a day." He always answered, "Yeah, well I wasn't foreman on that job."

My uncle Eph, by marriage to Aunt Gladys, was Jewish. Although our family is Protestant, Uncle Eph always gave us presents because he said we were nice enough to give him annual indigestion at our Christmas parties. He knew a lot more about Christmas than we knew about Hanukah but he left behind a memory of a kind and gentle man with a great big smile. He was an honest used car dealer, which he always joked about. He used to say, "If you want to throw away your money to the Gentiles OK, but if you want real value for your money let me show you such a deal. After all it's Christmas and Moses will forgive me for a little compassion."

And when we all gathered around the Christmas tree to exchange gifts, most of the time it was only one per person, Uncle Eph's humor kicked in. He always said, when receiving a gift, "Thanks for the next one. This one I've got."

This Christmas I hope to be surrounded by memories like those left behind in my mental bank by past and present loved ones who touched my life in such a way that the gift remains forever. Like the kid who was asked to define "The gift that keeps on giving." He took a wild guess and said, "A pregnant Guinea Pig?"

Doc Blakely is a humorist and motivational speaker who resides in Wharton.