A duct taped spare tire and a hen house bandit
Pokin' Fun
'Doc' Blakely

My friend Brooks, an osteopath, is a keen observer of humanity. He says if you take two Quakers fishing with you neither one will drink your beer. If you take one he will drink all your beer. If you take three, two of them will form splinter groups and the one left will ... you guessed it ... drink all your beer.

Of course you can't talk about other religious groups. It's not politically correct. So, the Quakers are a pretty safe bet to joke about. It's like the old story of the Quaker who was milking a cow. She swished her tail in his face, kicked at the most inappropriate time, stepped in the bucket and ruined the milk. The old guy went around to the front end and told her, "Cow, thou knowest that because of my religion I cannot curse thee, and cannot strike thee, but what thou dost not knowest is that tomorrow I'm going to sell thee to a Baptist who will beat the hell out of thee."

Then there was the case of the guy who had some of those new wheels on his car, the kind that you can see right through the spokes, you know? He had a flat and no lug wrench so this genius jacked up the car and duct taped the spare to the tire by running the tape through the spokes. He bragged about his ingenuity. One of his friends asked, "How did that turn out?" He said, "It worked fine right up to the wreck." A ventriloquist and his favorite dummy were getting great laughs at a small club when he started to tell a blonde joke. A blonde stood up immediately and said, "Oh, no you don't. Blondes are smart people and I'm not going to take it anymore. That's rude, crude and offensive." The audience applauded at her courage. So much so that the ventriloquist craw fished and started an apology.

She said, "I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to that little squirt on your lap."

And finally, there was the case of the ornery kid who snuck into a hen house and chased a rooster until he caught him. The farmer caught him red handed and said, "Whatever you do to that rooster I'm going to do to you. Pull his feathers, I'll pull your hair. Choke his neck, I'll choke yours. Now what do you plan to do with him?"

The kid said, "Kiss his tush and let him go."

Doc Blakely is a humorist and motivational speaker who resides in Wharton.